Friday, September 11, 2009


If I took a moment to reflect on the last two months of my life I should be ashamed of myself.

Leave blood on the dumbbell? Don't make me laugh. My training hasn't even come close to that level of intensity. Where is my discipline? Where is the fortitude?

This has to be overcome. Is this simply decompression from training so intensely for the triathlon? I have to get used to it. The Ironman... I promised myself I'd make it in 5 years. Did a rainy day really keep me inside this morning? Did "I'm sore" really enter my mind when I decided not to train one night. And have I truly been making excuses for myself?

Yes, I have.

And that ends now. At this very moment.

Leave blood on the dumbbell. It's never a matter of "I couldn't go further." only "I didn't go further." compounded with "I was scared of injuring myself." or "I didn't want to exert more effort." or "I wasn't able to tolerate the pain of trying even harder."

Those can be overcome. I can learn to endure more pain. I can push my limits further out. I can be more disciplined.

I will be more disciplined. If there is a cannot, it is "I cannot afford to be otherwise."

This is my conviction.

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